I am asked from time to time how I exactly teach discipline to students.  This question is primarily asked about kids, but the system is the same for adults.  I just have to disguise and deliver it differently.  Remember, adults are just big kids.  So the following is one of many techniques that I use to teach discipline to kids (wink, wink).  I could write a book on this topic alone, but I will try to keep it brief and to the point.

Before I start teaching discipline, I need to develop a rapport with the student.   I have found that humor is the best tool for doing this. Of course this needs to come from the heart.   Next, I know I need to pick my battles.   Every child is different, so the battles vary.  This sometimes causes confusion with some parents of the program.  Things do not always appear equal or even.  However, the majority of parents understands what I am doing and completely supports my method.

As this process is developing, I start prepping the student on what is expected.  I keep the expectations low at the beginning so not to overwhelm the student.  I understand that kids learn at different rates and this varies dramatically with age, gender, and mental maturity.  As the student starts moving up the ranks, whether it’s a stripe or even a color belt change, expectations are increased.  Also, the reprimands are increased.  It’s this area of developing discipline that is the secret.  How do you reprimand a student that has fallen short of the expectations?  How do you deliver it so that they receive it in a positive way, empowering them while not demeaning them, do it in a way that they get the point and want to learn from the experience, and understand that these falters are a human development issue and that we all go thru it?  While doing all of this, trying to teach the rest of the students in the class on how to learn from this student’s experience in a non-judgmental way and to apply this knowledge to themselves.

The following is my technique in doing this. I also teach my instructors to use this technique.

I start off by letting the student know of the expectations that will come with the next level.   The student knows that as the expectations go up, the harder I will be on them if they fall short.  I let them know that they may not want to go to the next level because it maybe too difficult for them (a little reverse psychology).   As I am delivering this information to the student, I am doing it with a slight sense of humor.  A universal rule that I learned is that whether you are a kid or not, no one wants to be told anything.  So this information is passed on to them in a matter of fact delivery, not in a threatening or a shoving it down their throat manner.  I do however add a brief seriousness to the discussion to make sure they get the point.  I go on to say that it is up to them to go forward or not, but these are the expectations.  Of course they respond by saying they are tough and can handle it. They have agreed to the terms.  This is where I bring in some philosophy.  I teach them the very important philosophical concept, “be careful of what you wish for”.

Now here comes the fun part.  It’s inevitable that after the student moves to the next level there will be a slip in discipline.  It could be a behavior issue, motivational issue, or an outright wrong.  I jump on it immediately in front of the class.  Depending on the level of the student, my intensity will vary. But whatever the level, it will seem very intense.  While explaining the mistake that was made and expressing my disappointment, the child will probably be in a slight state of shock.   I remind the student that they chose to go to this level and that they understood the consequences.  During this moment of explanation I am covertly watching the student.   I want to make sure I don’t go too far but I want to push the student to the edge.  After I make my point, which is generally pretty quick and I know the student is on the emotional edge, I turn my attention to the other kids in the class.  I tell them that this is what happens at this higher level.  I go on to say that you have to be a strong kid to be this rank, such as this student.  This statement starts the empowering process for the kid that is being disciplined.  I mention to the lower rank kids that they probably could not have handled this and would have probably cried and call 911. Notice that I use humorous wording but my tone is somewhat serious.  Of course the kids say they could have handled it and I reply “yeah right”.   By this time things are pretty light.  While this discussion is going on, the disciplined child’s status is being elevated.   I then turn back to the kid I was disciplining and say though I am not happy with the situation I am however impressed with their strength dealing with this adversity.   This comes from my heart and the kid knows it.  At this time I start talking to the class philosophically that dealing with adversities is an ongoing universal problem.  I give some ideas on dealing with adversities in general and how to handle them when things go wrong.  I let them know that standing tall and dealing with it straight up is so much better than falling down crying and calling 911, such as the strength that this student has demonstrated.  The use of humor allows me to make the point while taking the spot light off of the student that was being disciplined. This also empowers the student.  While I am talking to the class, you can see the disciplined child stand a little taller, chest out a little more and generally feels better about himself.  A negative situation now has become a positive situation for both the kid and the class.  And yet the main issue was not lost.

So what happened in that last scenario?  First,  I called a kid out on a behavior mistake, pointed out the mistake, used the situation to prep the other students in the class about the expectations of their upcoming level,  empowered the kid in front of his or her peer group,  showed I was not happy with the behavior but I respected the kid and  was impressed with the way he handled the adverse condition, and was able to show the whole class on how to work and deal with difficult issues by using a real situation and topic and not a fictitious one. No one learns by theory, they learn by reality.

This process intensifies as they go up the ranks. But the students are always made aware of what is expected at the next level.  This process of developing discipline within a student takes time.  It takes years.  When the student experiences this scenario over and over as they mature in age, they begin to learn to apply the principles of discipline to themselves.  It is these skills that allow the student to successfully deal with the outside world.  In other words, they are shown “how to manage chaos”. This process cannot be shortened. You can see why I have a problem with schools that give black belts to very young kids.  Of course this brings up the topic of what is a black belt, but that is a topic for another blog.

Until the next blog, the saga will continue.

Ray Hughes

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