In addition to self defense, the majority of parents put their children into karate to learn what I call life skills; discipline, focus, emotional control, persistence, dedication, leadership skills, communication skills, and so on. As adults, we know by experience the importance of having these skills when dealing with the real world. These skills are absolutely necessary to be successful in life. I take this part of my job very seriously.
I have learned during my years of teaching that students learn better when life skills are discussed while experiencing a real situation. Students do not learn well when you talk theoretically about life issues. You have noticed me many times jumping on situations that occur in class and discussing it openly in front of all the students on how to best deal with it. I give the students ideas on how to possibly avoid or how to deal with these issues. As a student proceeds from white belt to black belt the student experiences almost every possible emotional situation. As the student faces these experiences they are coached and given skills that help them deal with them in a positive and productive way.
One of the most important life skills that are taught in karate is learning to deal with fluctuating motivation. As the child trains in karate they experience the motivational roller coaster. We adults understand the importance of this skill because we deal with it in many areas of our lives on a daily basis. I teach students how to work through motivational highs and lows by first letting them know that these obstacles are coming. I tell them that everyone experiences this problem and must know how to work through it. I give them thoughts and ideas that will help them deal with this upcoming problem. But at this point, this is just theory to the students. As I have said before, no one learns by theory, you learn by experiencing. Then as the student starts to experience this situation, I remind them first that they were made aware of this upcoming dilemma and them I give them concepts on how to deal with it. One of the most important skills that we adults have learned and understand is developing the ability to grind through tough times. A young person has a hard time learning these skills without being coached while they are experiencing these low points of motivation. After the student gets through these periods I review the situation and reinforce the successful strategies. It takes a student several of these situations to develop the skills to successfully learn the ability to grind through low motivational periods.
So how do you grind through difficult situations? I was originally taught by my parents and coaches that you give it 110% or don’t do it at all. I guessed it worked, but I’m not so sure. I may have quit things in the past because I lost motivation and I didn’t want to give it a 110% at the time, I just don’t remember (old age). The point is I don’t believe in this philosophy. Routine is more important than giving it a 110% during low motivational times. There are times I am not motivated to go to the gym. Sometimes this lasts many months at a time. If I don’t go at all, I become weak and get out of shape. It becomes almost impossible to get back to training. We adults see this type of situation happen all the time. I have experimented with this (humor statement). If however I continue to keep going during this low motivational time and just half heartily go through the training, I of course don’t get better but I also don’t regress much either. Then when that motivated moment comes I instantly start seeing improvement. I have not learned how to summon that motivated moment on command yet, but when it comes I’m ready. Instead of taking months to get back to where I was before I quite training, which in itself is extremely disheartening, I see instant improvement.
I see this situation play out over and over in the dojo. I have seen students of all ages take breaks with the intent of coming back soon and I have seen students go through low motivational periods with half hearted efforts. The students that take breaks almost never get back. Or if they do, they are so disappointed that everyone in their class has moved ahead of them that they give up and quit. As far as the students that grind through, they are pumped when the motivational point comes back. They are off and flying, hardly missing a beat.
There are two low motivational periods during the year. The first one is the period going into the summer and second, you guessed it, the period going into the year end holidays. The reasons are obvious, their minds are not on martial arts because they are looking forward to the break in the school routine, the weather change affects them, and generally their minds are all over the place. After the summer and holiday break, within a week or two, the kids get refocused and are motivationally locked back into their training.
Here is the Parent’s burden. What does a parent do when their child starts asking to take a break or even asking to quit during these periods? Parents know that discipline and dedication are developed by grinding through these low periods. They want their kids to learn that changing directions every time they get bored or loose motivation that this develops a horrible habit and can lead to unsuccessful lives. However, the parent does not want to force their child to do something that they really do not want to do. This does not teach a child anything. And to add to this, the grind of dealing with a complaining kid and the effort of getting them to the school also become very difficult. So how does a parent know what to do?
Here are some ideas that may help. First, recognize the time of the year. This will answer a lot of questions. Second, how is your kid acting in class? If they seem emotionally down for several weeks at a time, they need a break. Don’t worry; I most likely will bring it up to you first. If however they are having fun in class, then they are simply moving through a low motivational period and are just whining on the way to class. Remember, I have been through this a million times over the past three decades. You may have noticed that my teaching techniques change during these times of the year. I lighten up a bit and do a few more games in class. These times are difficult, so I make it more fun during this time because I know that keeping the student’s routine is the highest priority. I know the routine is the secret of success. Missing random classes or taking a short vacation is not a problem for the student. The key here is keeping their overall routine. Yes their martial arts growth slows down, but when the summer and holiday period is over their skills start instantly growing versus having to take a period of time to get back to where they were before the break.
In conclusion, routine is the secret to success. This is what needs to be taught to the student. The difficult part is being able to tell if your kid is simply going through a temporary low motivational point or has genuinely lost interest in martial arts training. So my suggestion is when you are experiencing this situation is that you come in and ask talk to me. I will give you my honest opinion. Some parents might think that I will tell them they should keep their child in for my financial reasons. Trust me; my personal sanity comes before my financial stability. Nothing drives me crazier than having a student there that does not want to be there. Those of you who have known me for any length of time can attest to this.
I hope this information helps in some small way. Please do not hesitate to give input back to me on this or any other matter. rhughes@smacus.com
The saga continues…… signing off.
Ray Hughes
